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Joke of the Day

"I like my girls like my nails Hammered"

"Drinking Bud Light is like having sex on a canoe. Cause it's fucking close to water."

"A cell phone with a low battery is nothing more than a damn-cell in distress"

"One time I won a raffle in England, turns out it was for knighthood. Boy was I Sir prized"

"I'm tired of the Mexicans naming their sons Jesus Jesus was not a Mexican, he was a human being. (Please forgive me)"

"Why is your face all scratched ? My girlfriend said it with flowers. How romantic. Not really she hit me round the head with a bunch of thorny roses !"

"It sucks that bowtie pasta is the only edible formal wear my grocery store carries."

"[PICKLE] Our first chance to help our new ally! http://www.reddit.com/r/pickle/comments/1a2xg8/next_attack_for_our_entire_army_march_12th_at_520/"

"If you see a condom, a tampon and a bra walking down the street..... which one is more likely to say hello? ans: the bra. The other two are stuck up cunts."

"""i'm really more of a dog person."" -- werewolf"