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Joke of the Day

"Drinking Bud Light is like having sex on a canoe. Cause it's fucking close to water."

"The frog was double parked... And that's why she got Toad."

"I'm as bored as a slut on her period."

"When it comes to returning emails, I only have two speeds: within 3 seconds or within 3 months."

"What kind of joke do peeping Toms like? In-ya-window"

"How many millennials does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to do it, the other to give him his ribbon."

"I like my women how i like my Little Ceasars Pizza... Hot and Ready for only $5."

"Me: ""Gee Thanks for spilling Cheerios all over the floor."" 3yo: ""You're welcome Mom, look at this!""*scatters more on floor I deserve that."

"What kind of health insurance does a llama need? Ollamacare"

"My therapist told me the reason I have a lower sex life than I want Is because I misinterpret what people are telling me. I'm pretty sure she wants my dick."