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Joke of the Day

"What is Bear Grylls' favourite vegetable? Leek."

"I had a dark bump on my arm checked out at my ontologist... I tried to get a diagnosis but instead he went on about reality and existence."

"85% of the time I spend in a bathroom stall is spent waiting for the other person in the bathroom to leave."

"Kid goes to buy weed for the first time. Kid: how much you want for that half ounce? Dealer: 4 20s Ill go hide in shame."

"What did the grape say when he was caught in bed with another fruit? ""It was just a momentary lapse of raisin!"""

"Why didn't the Seahawks give the ball to Marshawn Lynch? They couldn't fined him."

"tip of the day - dont swollow ur spit for like 20 minuts and then u will have a warm drink"

"you think YOU'RE tired. I'm even MORE tired for the reasons I'm about to list. This is a competition for some reason."

"My wife hasn't spoken to me since I fingered her twin by mistake during a drunken dance at a wedding... He's not happy about it either..."

"America! Where we celebrate mediocrity! 15 year olds should not be praised for losing 50 pounds while still being 300 plus..."