13147

Joke of the Day

"What did the grape say when he was caught in bed with another fruit? ""It was just a momentary lapse of raisin!"""

"Life is complex... it has both real and imaginary components."

"This chick at Walgreens is totally hitting on me. What's your name? What's your address? Do you have any questions for the pharmacist?"

"Schrodinger's Crush: Before you ask her out, she is both single and taken"

"What's the difference between a stoner and a Jew? A stoner gets baked on purpose"

"""Welcome... To Jurassic Park."" ""But some of these dinosaurs are from the Cretaceous Period--"" ""WE ALREADY MADE THE SIGNS"""

"Why do rednecks like to do it doggie style? So they both can watch Nascar."

"Eating Halloween candy and ignoring the doorbell. A little game I like to call fuck you I paid for it."

"What does my calendar look like? Let me check. It has a bunch of fucking numbers on it and no space for you."

"I almost took part in a gangrape with some friends Good thing I'm faster than them"