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Joke of the Day

"My wife hasn't spoken to me since I fingered her twin by mistake during a drunken dance at a wedding... He's not happy about it either..."

"Favorite question to ask a prospective boyfriend for my sister: Have you ever seen a dead body? *casually lifts shirt to expose .357*"

"*drives up to liquor store door, honks horn *wine jumps off shelf, hops into my car *speeds off"

"Never tell a woman you're infatuated with her. All she'll hear is ""fat""."

"Saw a black guy with seven fingers today! Turns out he was eating a kitkat....."

"Why do beavers spend a fortune on the Internet? They never want to log off."

"The Chicken or The Egg A chicken and an egg are laying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette. The egg rolls over in satisfaction and says, ""Well, I guess we answered that question."""

"A Star Wars Joke(No Spoilers) Why was Han yelling at Chewbacca on their first day on the Millenium Falcon? . . . Because Chewie was making too many wookie mistakes!"

"Grad School: Because it's better than saying ""I'm still looking."""

"In the Empire... In the Galactic Empire, there were two holonet channels. The first channel was Imperial propaganda, and the second was an Intelligence officer telling you to turn back to channel 1."