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Joke of the Day

"A guy gets the words ""I love you"" tattooed to his dick. He goes home to his wife, and she says, ""Stop trying to put words in my mouth."""

"I used to make jokes about Japanese eggs... But I quit a long tamago."

"I walked into a room full of men masturbating They all looked shocked when I didn't stop"

"Drug dealers are always late. If your drug dealer is on time, it's the police."

"Did some1 really think naming a restaurant Pizza HUT was a good idea? ""We want a name that communicates quality food & 3rd world housing!"""

"What do you do with a dead chemist? You Barium."

"Rio declares state of emergency just before Olympics. That's like inviting people to your house for dinner but you have no food. Or house."

"All these Marvel movies, and they sure are taking their time getting to Thanos and the Infinity Gauntlet Don't worry. They'll get there... Avengually."

"*Brings 8 year old back to hospital nursery with receipt* This one doesn't listen anymore...Can I get a new one?"

"What do you call a speeding vegetable? Michael Schumacher."