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Joke of the Day

"shoot for the moon, even if u miss u'll forever be the one peopel point at and whispre ""thats the idiot who shot literal bulets at the moon"""

"Ellen pao and reddit admins walk into a bar... Everyone was happy to see them and had a great time once they were there... Ill also accept ...and then the bar burned down..."

"If you wake up tomorrow with Santa jacking off at your bedside, do not be alarmed. He is giving you a white Christmas"

"Guy threw a banana peel out the window into my lane 2day. Yrs of practice paid off and I arrived to work safely. Thank you Mario Kart."

"2012 finally we know ..."

"My girlfriend's not up for being fisted tonight. I guess I'll just put my feet up."

"Now I'm not saying that your new girlfriend is a slut.. but Bermuda Triangle has swallowed fewer seamen."

"My friend decided to get a tattoo of Pi on his face. It was an irrational decision."

"[puts cone of shame on dog] ME: (to dog) sory buddy DOG: (to all other dogs in neighborhod) BOW DOWN TO LORD FLOFFYTON HEARER OF ALL BARKS"

"""Can I maim myself with it?"" - my toddler's mental checklist before deciding to play with something"