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Joke of the Day

"DATE TIP: Hold doors. Pull the chair out for your date. Burp your date. Change your date oh god you are on a date with a baby ok stay cool"

"What do you call a man with no arms and no legs, lying in a ditch? Phil"

"Have you heard about the first restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere."

"Opinions are like orgasms, mine's more important and I don't give a fuck if she has one."

"[interview] BOSS: So I see you majored in communication? ME: No...miscommunication BOSS: Your resume clearly says communication ME: See?"

"How do you kill a hipster? Drown him in the Mainstream."

"Woman Tries To Trick Her Husband With A Letter To See If He Is Cheating http://thebuzzflare.com/woman-tries-to-trick-her-husband-with-a-letter-to-see-if-he-is-cheating/"

"Caucasian Half-Cauc, Half-Asian"

"*queen points out window* ""what's that flashing out the window?"" ""Lightning, My Queen"" *car busts thru window* DID I HEAR LIGHTNING McQUEEN"

"Words are so powerful; but I never have time to write on my fists before a fight."