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Joke of the Day

"You can't trust anyone you meet online I went on a date with a guy I met online last week and stole $250 from him"

"Proud of myself. I only ate 1 brownie today. I mean, it was cut up into 8 very large pieces and took up the whole pan but yeah, 1 brownie."

"Asked God his thoughts on assuming genders, his reply... ""Hmmm, I guess I should have made it more obvious"""

"u have one (1) new dad. click here to accept Todd."

"2 Scientists walk into a bar, one asks for H20 and the other asks for H20 too. The other scientist dies."

"How to be cool: A) use cool sunglasses emoji in everything B)"

"What do you say when your TV is floating in the night? ""Drop it, nigga."""

"What did Australian Jesus say after the Last Supper? Check, mate."

"What's the difference between your mother and a Mallard with a cold? One's a sick duck... I forget the rest but your mother's a whore"

"What has antlers pulls Father Christmas' sleigh and is made of cement? I don't know. A reindeer! What about the cement? I just threw that in to make it hard."