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Joke of the Day

"funniest joke i've ever heard. womens's rights."

"How many Police Officers does it take to handcuff one man? Nine, Eight to shoot him and one to say he was very dangerous"

"*goes on job interview* -You come very highly recommended. -Why thank you, I always try to be as stoned as possible before I come to work."

"There's a thin line between ""I should tweet about that"" and ""I should talk to a therapist about that."""

"[mall] Wife: Wait here. Me: Okay. Wife: Hold my purse. Me: Yes, ma'am. *looks in purse* *waves at testicles* Me: *sigh* I miss you guys!"

"I went to a zoo the other day. The only animal they had was a dog It was a shitzu."

"What's the difference between a Priest and a Wristwatch? A priest's hands stop at 10."

"HELLO automatic flushing toilet!! I appreciate the enthusiasm but I really wasn't finished"

"i once told my girlfriend there was something between me and Taylor swift blank space"

"Why do lawyers wear neckties? to keep their foreskins from creeping up."