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Joke of the Day

"[Genie] Last wish idiot, impress me. [Me] I want Morgan Freeman to narrate my eulogy [drops dead] [Morgan Freeman] He was an idiot."

"Remember, your toilet is just afraid of you as you are of it."

"You're the reason why women earn 75 cents to the dollar."

"Why is it impossible to argue with Trump? Because the Earth's rotation automatically makes a circle jerk out of him"

"Did you know that if you pull off a lizard's tail it'll grow back? And if you pull it off again the lizard will be like, ""Dude, c'mon..."""

"Im not your friend, buddy"

"If I ever start a customer service company, I'm going to name it 'Hold Please'."

"What do you call a little Mexican? A paragraph, because he's not quite an essay."

"I thought I'd found the perfect website to help me overcome my fear of flying until it crashed."

"So sex workers ever post anything that's nsfw?"