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Joke of the Day

"Bummed about the early Scotland vote results. This was pretty much our best hope for seeing Shrek on a flag."

"A man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman ""Can I park here?"" ""No"" says the cop. ""What about all these other cars?"" ""They didn't ask!"""

"DOCTOR: congratulations, it's a boy! *holds up baby tricycle* BICYCLE DAD: what the hell? BICYCLE MOM: *crying*"

"What's the difference between me and a pigeon? A pigeon can make a deposit on a BMW"

"LPT: Laminate your index cards when studying. Not only does it prevent smearing, but the teardrops actually roll right off."

"Just heard a guy at the dog park tell his dog ""NO!"" and then more quietly, ""We talked about this!"""

"Crimea River What did say to bama."

"10 ways to avoid clickbait! Well, that wasn't one of them.."

"Two kittens are sitting on a roof. Which one falls off first? The one with the smallest [](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friction#Coefficient_of_friction)"

"My noisy upstairs neighbour reminds me of that person I killed next week."