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Joke of the Day

"What do you have to use to check a test on Telemarketing? A Scamtron."

"I can't sleep in my bed anymore, my mind races thinking of all the stupid stuff I've done in the past. Stupid memory foam..."

"Saw a bird at my feeder shit on another bird's head and that bird just kept right on eating. I've never before felt this close to nature."

"What do you call two gay rednecks? Super Smash Brothers"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Brent ! Brent who ? Brent out of shape !"

"My right eye wouldn't stop weeping all day until I said BE A MAN YOU FREAK and now it's just drinking beer to hide it's feelings"

"Happy 420 to me, Happy 420 to me, Its not 4/20 anymore, But fuck it, Its 420 to me!"

"[OC] So I went downstairs to check the time on a clock... But it was saying 4:04: Time Not Found!"

"A guy goes to a $5 lady of the night... ... and he gets crabs. So the next day, he goes back to complain. And the woman says, ""Hey, it was only $5. What did you expect, lobster?"""

"[sees kid crying in the mall] ""What's wrong?"" ""I'm lost."" ""You're in the mall you little idiot."""