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Joke of the Day

"When people ask me why I got into drumming I always tell them it's because really enjoy beating off in front of crowds"

"i wonder if... a receptionist at a sperm bank ever says ""thanks for coming"""

"Know-it-alls think themselves a fountain of knowledge. In truth they are an oil spill of knowledge... Unwelcome and hard to get rid of."

"On a hunch, I tried looking for the murderer at the corpse auction. As soon as the auctioneer started it was a dead giveaway."

"is it me or do old people always end their texts with extra periods? ""good seeing u today. missed u....."""

"Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is."

"Just saw a touching BP commercial where BP congratulates BP for doing some of what BP was legally required to do after it wrecked the earth."

"My ex was gang raped by a troupe of mime artists. They performed unspeakable acts on her."

"How much does a truck made of light weigh? Photons"

"Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel prize? Because he was out standing in his field."