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Joke of the Day

"i wonder if... a receptionist at a sperm bank ever says ""thanks for coming"""

"What's the difference between a hippie girl and a can of beans? You would still eat the beans after a month in the woods"

"Did you hear about the rookie Rhode Island cop who gave out twenty-two parking tickets before he found out he was at a drive-in movie?"

"Senior year of high school is a lot like a retirement home... You don't work anymore, you hate everyone who's younger than you, and in a few months, all of your old friends will be dead to you."

"What drives the hype train? The hyper drive."

"I got an email from a prince in Africa saying I inherited 100,000 dollars. But my computer just says i got a virus... I hope it's not Ebola"

"How do I stay in shape? I stole an ostrich, it chases me around the house all day, i hate it"

"Just built a kite that'll hold my cat. Figured if a mouse helped discover electricity then my cat & I should be able to unlock time travel."

"Did you guys hear the one about the circus fire? It was intense."

"I'm a morning person. Then, around noon, I turn into a horse."