63953

Joke of the Day

"[love making] Her: [leans in] ""do that thing you know I like."" [i cease to exist] Her: ""yeah baby."""

"My girlfriends nervous about giving birth. I said don't worry, women have been doing it for over 100,000 years.. .. Or in the case of Republicans, women have been doing it for 6,000 years or less"

"Today I was wondering ""why does a frisbee appear larger the closer it gets?""... ... And then it hit me. - Steven Wright"

"New lesbian species of dinosaur discovered. Lickalottapus."

"What's the difference between a condom and a coffin? Well, both carry stiffs, but one's for coming and the other's for going."

"Scientists had already discovered a ninth planet 5000 times the size of Pluto years ago Your Mum"

"What does a dyslexic tiger and a bus driver have in common? A bus driver can't change his stops."

"Amazon is a $250 billion dollar company that reacts to you buying a vacuum by going THIS GUY LOVES BUYING VACUUMS HERE ARE SOME MORE VACUUMS"

"Um, hi. How much is the rent for this amazing apartment? Ma'am, this is the wine aisle of the grocery store."

"Old friend: Wow! When the hell did you grow a beard? Me: This morning. On the way here. Just felt like it was time."