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Joke of the Day

"Um, hi. How much is the rent for this amazing apartment? Ma'am, this is the wine aisle of the grocery store."

"What was INXS Singer Michael Hutchence's favorite vegetable? The autochoke."

"What do you call a nun in a wheel chair? Virgin Mobile"

"This unicorn sitting next to me is saying that I took too many Vicodin."

"""Oh my god! That guy's dead! Oh wait, he's totally fine."" (someone watching soccer for the first time)"

"what was Michael Jackson favorite kind of movie child pornography"

"Heard this one in a film you all might have seen A man is talking to his son and says, ""You know, son, if you don't stop masturbating, you're going to go blind."" The son says, ""Dad, I'm over here."""

"I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. What a waste of thyme."

"My morning commute was hectic today. I tripped over a dog toy and almost spilled my coffee. I made it to the couch safely though."

"I have two feelings in Ramadan, it's either ""I'm hungry"" or ""I shouldn't have eaten this much"""