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Joke of the Day

"I lost my virginity to a retarded girl I wanted my first night to be special."

"Why did the dog lose the lawsuit? It was a shih-tzu"

"Now I'm not saying I plan to be a school shooter... but if I was Dylan.."

"What did the sheep say when he saw his girlfriend? Baaaaaeeeee!"

"Cop: Maybe it's your driving. Maybe you're drunk. Me: Maybe it's Maybelline."

"The Joker is in a room with Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, and has a gun with one bullet, who does he shoot? Neither. Some men just want to watch the world burn."

"Biggie Smalls always hated mediums."

"My girlfriend said to me ""as a young boy, was your mother very strict with you"" and I said ""let's make one thing absolutely clear..."" ""My mother was never a young boy."" Tim Vine"

"*gets pulled over* Do you know how fast you were going? *pulls string* *inflates emergency mustache* Oh sorry officer. You're free to go."

"The president of Nintendo has died. The ambulance went Wii U Wii U Wii U"