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Joke of the Day

"To watch a reality show about a restaurant is to realize how much chef's head-sweat you've eaten in your life."

"Dark Humor is like food... Not everybody gets it."

"The thing I like best about smartphones is how they're a prison you keep in your pocket"

"Everyone buries their problems in different ways. I bury them alive because killing people is wrong."

"Jesus draws a bath after an exhausting day, gets in ""Damn it, c'mon, not again!"" he says as he sits on top of the water, unable to submerge"

"I am giving up eating red meats. I'm going cold turkey."

"I don't get why everyone told me how great it is to swim with dolphins. I've been stuck in this tuna net for five days."

"i feel wrong i think im having a dyslexic stroke. i cant smell anything on the left side of my body and i feel toast."

"What do you call the prequel to The Purge? The Binge"

"You know people who call their penis wood? Can they say they have a two-by-fore-skin?"