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Joke of the Day
"The thing I like best about smartphones is how they're a prison you keep in your pocket"
Next Joke
"How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb? TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE!"
"What kind of book does an Irish cultist read? The Leprenomichaun."
"Lay with me until everything crumbles and nothing but creeping ivy shields us from the incessant chatter of wandering cadavers. Bring snacks"
"Want to hear a joke about sodium? Na."
"Why did the polynomial tree fall over? It didn't have any real roots"
"My spirit animal is this 9 yo, so calm and polite during girl sleepover drama, who just told me ""literally, nothing is interesting to me""."
"What if life on Earth is just a video game for gods, and my guy has the crappy controller?"
"Me: When does karaoke start? Him: Never. Me: But I put my ""I ? Karaoke"" t-shirt on. Him: We noticed. Me: This is the worst funeral ever."
"What do you call a book club that has been stuck on the same book for thousands of years? [X-post from /r/SacrilegiousHumor] Church"