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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang a picture of Jesus."

"*shoots self in foot* ""Damn i like the metaphor better"""

"So it turns out that my girlfriend has been starring in amateur voyeurism porn videos. Boy is she going to be pissed when she finds out!"

"When my child is born I'll paint flames on him so when I stand with the other parents at the nursery I can say ""Thats my son. The fast one."""

"I'm tired of people ripping on calculus all the time. It derives me crazy."

"What do you call a person that tells jokes to ghosts? A comedium."

"""knock knock."", ""Who's there?"", ""Allah"", ""allah who?"" ""ALLAHU AKBARRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!"""

"I always like taking a shit while on the clock at work but its always so hard to read what time it is when I put it back on the wall."

"Wife: You said you'll keep me as a queen but you make me dig the farm all day. WTF is this about? Husband: Darling you are my Queen of Spades."

"I missed a call from a girl last night... I missed a call from a girl last night. I called her back, she said she must've butt dialed me. I said, ""Maybe your butt knows what it wants."""