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Joke of the Day

"What's the fastest way to go from 300 pounds to 140? Convert to kilograms."

"What's a rock group with four guys that don't sing? Mount Rushmore"

"I'm a pretty confident woman until I walk out of the grocery store & try to find where I parked."

"After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, ""what are you going to do now?"" God said, ""I think I'm going to call it a day."""

"Why is Yahtzee better than the Bahamas? Because it's more than a paradise."

"What do you call an epileptic puppy? Kibbles 'n Fits."

"TIL the excuse the US Marine used in May 1943 after accidentally friendly fire'ing a British U-boat. Woops, wrong sub."

"Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when I do criticize him, I'm a mile away and I have his shoes."

"Oh, you hate when guys stare at your boobs? You should call the police and report the person who ripped your top three buttons open then."

"SURGEON (who is an octopus): scalpel NURSE: [sweating trying to figure out what arm to hand it to] yup one second"