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Joke of the Day

"Crap. They didn't cancel this morning's meeting. I wore my suit to bed inside out for nothing."

"Politicians have more need of diapers than babies because they're full of way more shit."

"How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick."

"No thanks World Cup, if I wanted to watch a bunch of guys unsuccessfully try to score I'll just stay on Twitter."

"What is the difference between Sarah Palin's hoo-ha and her mouth? Only half the stuff that comes out of her hoo-ha is retarded."

"40% of divorces stem from $ issues. 40% are caused by infidelity. The remaining 20% have been linked to IKEA purchases requiring assembly."

"Robot Nerves Why are robots never afraid? Because they have nerves of steel"

"What did one snowman say to the other? ""Weird...I smell carrots, too."""

"If it comes down to Joe Biden vs Donald Trump we should just accept our fates & let a chili dog eating contest determine who's president."

"Oh red onions... you'll be the breath of me."