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Joke of the Day

"Pope Francis will bring a rabbi and a Muslim leader with him when he travels to the Holy Land this week. Or as bartenders put it, ""We've been expecting you."""

"What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? Donald Trump has never had a garbanzo bean on him."

"My ransom was dropped from $30,000 to fifty bucks when my parents told my kidnappers it'd take 2 days to come up with the money."

"Twitter announced today that they've lost 134 million dollars this year. I don't know if they want us to look for it or what the deal is."

"If ur late to an appt, just tell them u had another one, but were on time to that one. That way they associate you with punctuality"

"My boss told me: ""Dress for the job you want..."" so there will be a stormtrooper at tomorrow morning's meeting."

"What about ""BusinessMyspace""? Nah, it's taken. Okay, what about ""LinkedIn""?"

"[Changes Siri to male] ME: Siri, tell me the MALE SIRI: Listen, here's what you need to know. ME: I... MALE SIRI: Excuse me, I'm speaking"

"Fridge and a Gay Guy What's the difference between a fridge and a gay guy? A fridge doesn't fart when you pull your meat out."

"Did you here about the French Alps pizza service? Apparently they deliver large plane's"