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Joke of the Day

"People tend to put their faith in a higher power. But to me that's just a primitive solution."

"I tried to tell an Armenian genocide joke in Istanbul. Nobody got it."

"Where does Sean Connery keep his guns? In the library of course. They're for shelf-defense."

"Twenty years ago my mother almost aborted my brother. Yesterday he died in a fight with a cloakroom attendant. The coathanger still got him in the end."

"A skeleton walks into a bar.... ...asks for a pint and a mop."

"Recipe idea: Add ADDITIONAL cheese to your frozen pizza to make pizza with EXTRA CHEESE! (Ladies, you may pin this on your pinny web thing.)"

"What do you call one chickpeas smashing another? Hummuscide... *italics* gentleman bows"

"We just had Christmas and now Easter is right around the corner. Hard to believe they crucified Jesus when he was only 4 months old."

"How many psychologists does it take to change a tire? Just one, but first the tire really has to want to change."

"On his deathbed, a man is asked if he wants anything said at his funeral. ""Oh look, he's moving."""