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Joke of the Day

"What did Mario say when he found out he got drunk and had sex with a green mushroom? ""Well, I fucked that one up."""

"When a neutron hits a uranium atom... Potassium. Oxide."

"I'm smiling. This should scare you."

"I had a jacket stolen from me tonight. My enemies will stop at nothing to keep me from maintaining a comfortable body temperature in style"

"Aliens watching our media must assume we are being implored to show allegiance to our ruler, a mysterious entity named ""Geico."""

"A recruiter asked me if I wanted to be a hardcore developer I said sure, I've always wanted to work for PornHub"

"What do you call a group of prison bull-dykes? Ellen Degenerates"

"I was cutting up vegetables in the kitchen... ...and was promptly arrested"

"Why can't I get mobile reception in my house, yet a terrorist can upload his videos from a cave in Afghanistan?"

"Why did Obama serve two terms? Because blacks always get a longer sentence"