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Joke of the Day
"I was cutting up vegetables in the kitchen... ...and was promptly arrested"
Next Joke
"I'm sick of tired of people soaking my floor with their wet umbrellas when they come over to visit. I think it's time to make a stand."
"What Time Is It? Its time for lunch."
"Optimistic Thought of the Day: You are always 1/3 of the way towards having a threesome."
"I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel."
"I'm unsure whether I like my beard. But it's growing on me."
"11 y/o Daughter: [opens xmas present] uh..cable ties? Wife: she asked for a pony.. Me: a pony? ..SHE CAN'T EVEN LOOK AFTER HER CABLES LINDA"
"Bruce Jenner's Gender. . . Is turning into a real Brucehaha"
"What did Jesus say... when he was being nailed at the cross by the jews? Wait till Hitler comes."
"What did Hillary Clinton say at the last debate? Nothing...because she was in the kitchen where she belongs."