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Joke of the Day

"I like my TVs like I like my women... Smart and curved."

"Know Thyself, said Jesus. in the biblical sense. Merry Christmas."

"Girl are you the Iraq invasion because this was a mistake"

"I just found a human tooth and a pair of underwear in my purse. I might be a serial killer or I might be a mom, you'll never know."

"How many light bulbs does it take to change people?"

"This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club ..but I'd never met herbivore."

"Bad Cop: The proof is in the pudding. Good Cop: Stop putting all our evidence in pudding. Why do you keep putting our evidence in pudding?"

"My grandpa's a total perv My mom told me he had a stroke at my sisters dance recital!"

"What is the ultimate pleasure? To rub peanut butter on your dick and then run through a kindergarten."

"Ha ha! OH, HOW THE TABLES HAVE TURNED! ""dude, are you gonna do this every time you rearrange the furniture"""