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Joke of the Day

"[pizza delivery] Girl: Is there an other way I can pay you? *bites lip* uh HELL YEAH! *pulls out phone* see that RT button?"

"I'd have to say, on a scale from 1 to Pee... urinate"

"A hipster walks into a bar... and says ""This place sucks now, it used to be better before all the hipsters took over."""

"Dating a redneck The only thing worse than the friend zone is the family zone. But when a redneck says she loves you like a brother, its go time."

"How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her? She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles."

"How long does it take To microwave a baby? I'm too busy jerking of to watch a timer."

"If you could choose between having a light saber or saving a child..... Which color light saber would you choose?"

"Did you hear that the Post Office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous lawyers? People were confused about which side to spit on."

"If you have my phone number but insist on posting some personal tidbit on my FB wall, I'll beat the crap out of you."

"I just got an eyelash in my eye and I'm yelling at it cuz it's supposed to prevent this shit from happening like, ""YOU ONLY HAVE ONE JOB."""