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Joke of the Day

"Apologies to my forehead for assuming that automatic doors will just ""open."""

"I can't believe I forgot to bring sunscreen to the beach.... ...boy was my face red."

"What do you call a drunken Muslim? Mohammered"

"I used Apple Maps to find my girlfriend's clitoris Ended up licking a doorknob."

"Just yelled ""F, YOU GUYS!"" to my students. Another perk of being a music teacher..."

"The best part about being an abortionist..? [NSFW] I haven't had to buy dog food in a long, long time."

"What's the difference between a condom and a coffin? Well, both carry stiffs, but one's for coming and the other's for going."

"Damn girl are you Schrodinger's cat cos you're in a box and all these nerds are talking about you? Sir have some respect this is a funeral."

"Ireland has an abnormally low amount of children with down syndrome Because they ate all the potatoes"

"For a long time I thought I was Jewish. But it turned out to be psychosemitic."