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Joke of the Day

"Probably my worst birthday was my 9th because my mom was in jail & her boyfriend TJ made me a pinata filled with maggots & hair."

"I always used to ask my mom if I could lick the bowl... ... She'd always say ""No! Just flush it like a normal person!"""

"""It's a boy!"" I shouted, tears rolling down my face. ""I don't believe it. A boy!"" It was at that moment I decided I'd never visit Thailand again."

"I bought some shoes from my pill dealer on Friday. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all weekend."

"Every time you do a shot of tequila, an angel hi-fives a fairy and they agree to meet later to kick you in the head while you're sleeping."

"*flips coin* ""Head or tail?"" Her: That's not how this works!"

"Everybody loves my mom's cooking The only thing she's ever made that people didn't like was me"

"Which rappers had a flow that could simultaneously speed up and slow down at the same time? MC Escher"

"Remember, if you're ever being attacked by a mob of clowns Always go for the juggler."

"Why did the snowman pull down his pants? Because he saw the snowblower coming"