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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you drop a Piano on an army base? A flat major."

"Why didn't the sun go to college? He already had 28 billion degrees."

"So a quadriplegic amputee went... Absolutely nowhere."

"To the guy who just followed me with ""Conservative, God-loving, pro-life"" in his bio... are you sure you want to do this?"

"When does it become a dad joke? When it was a kid."

"When I was a kid, I had a lemonade stand. I'd give away the first glass for free and charge $20 for the second. The refill contained the antidote."

"Where do crows go to buy groceries? Kroger"

"Interviewer: Any special skills? Me: Eclairvoyance. Him: I don't understand. Me: There's a box of donuts in your desk Him: YOU KNOW TOO MUCH"

"Your restraining order says NO But your lazy eye says.......maybe later."

"I walked a girl home last night, and things got a little awkward at one point. She turned around and found out I was walking her home."