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Joke of the Day

"Bruce Willis is working on the 5th Die Hard movie! They should call this one ""Just kill me already!!!"""

"If I had a dollar for every time I heard ""grow up!"" I could buy a seriously awesome security system to keep doody heads out of my fort."

"I lost 100 pounds. Getting mugged in Europe."

"goals for 2016: 1) spend more time with my son 2) learn about his fav video games 3) defeat him 4) become video game household champion"

"This Mother's Day, my dad got a new car for my mom. He said it was the best trade he's ever made"

"Why are C programmers never invited to parties? They have no class"

"I woke up and found Sarah Jessica Parkers head in my bed. I guess I pissed off the mafia."

"What did the Mother say to her son when she saw him eating cookies for breakfast? Your Dad and I are getting a divorce."

"What's the difference between an intern and bird shit? No one intentionally steps on bird shit."

"As I get older I realize my penis is like Jesus. It takes 3 days to reserect after a good beating."