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Joke of the Day

"Kinda rude of my neighbors to be burning leaves before I had a chance to blow mine into their yard."

"I'm saving up my money for a sex change operation... ...and I don't care how much my wife protests it. I wanted a boy, dammit."

"My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby."

"Why can't the bicycle stand on its own? Because it's two-tired"

"Diamonds are not, despite popular belief, carbon. They are, in fact, Chuck Norris fecal matter."

"I opened a company selling landmines that look like prayer mats Prophets are going through the roof"

"Have you ever thought about how weird it is that one of your hands is dumber than the other?"

"""Mommy, I don't wanna grow up and die!"" ""Oh. Well, you can die at any age, really."""

"How do you know the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Snow Balls"

"Why can't you play Uno with Mexicans? They steal the green cards."