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Joke of the Day
"Did you hear about the gardener that had an aneurysm? He's currently in a vegetative-state."
Next Joke
"[first day as homicide detective] Cop: any signs of forced entry? Me: yeah, a bullet somehow forced its way through his face & into his head"
"Way down on the bottom of the twitter user licensing agreement in tiny font it says ""Say goodbye to your family"""
"How do you make a hormone? Refuse to pay."
"What did one paedophile say to the other? Swap you two fives for a ten"
"Why was the divorce lawyer pro-gay marriage? Because any marriage is good for business!"
"Teacher: You aren't paying attention to me. Are you having trouble hearing? Pupil: No teacher I'm having trouble listening!"
"I wish the dude that jogs around my neighborhood all day would wear a Super Mario costume. And occasionally duck into sewers."
"So there's this guy that does nothing but masturbate and watch Netflix all day... Oh wait... That's me."
"How to be a good person: 1. Listen to everything they say on Fox News. 2. Do the exact opposite."