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Joke of the Day

"So there's this guy that does nothing but masturbate and watch Netflix all day... Oh wait... That's me."

"It's oddly fitting that most Americans celebrate Presidents' Day by taking the day off and not doing the job they were hired to do."

"A third grader opens the door and yells to his mom. ""Mom! Today I found out I have a bigger penis than all the other kids!"" ""That's because you're 23, Tyrone."""

"[heaven's IT department] Ok, I see why your computer's crashing. Have you been closing doors again? God: Yes, why? Too many open windows"

"What's big grey and flies straight up ? An elecopter !"

"Did you hear about the guy who was sent to prison for poor grammar? His cellmate put his semi in his colon."

"What does glass taste like? Blood."

"What is the opposite of a misogynist? That little pussy, Brian. Always talking about his feeling and shit like a little bitch. Fucking grow a pair, dude."

"Did Timmy enjoy his first fried eggs? No, because he sat naked on a steel poll in 113 degrees"

"What phrase is a compliment in America, but an argument in the Middle East? No, YOU the bomb."