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Joke of the Day

"Make people question sincerity by adding quotations to your cards: ""Thank You"" Get well ""soon"" ""Congratulations"" on the ""baby"""

"The more we ban gluten, the black market demand for it skyrockets and the Mexican gluten cartels make a killing."

"When a blonde goes to London on a plane how can you steal her window seat ? Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row"

"My wife asked me to stop singing wonderwall. I said maybe."

"the statue of liberty was a trojan horse thing but it was too hard to break out of and it's full of skeletons now"

"My wife must think I'm a god... She keeps giving me burnt offerings !"

"An interracial couple eating Cheerios and non-English speakers drinking Coke. We're a Benghazi pizza commercial away from a Texas secession."

"I can relate to people who say they need to rest so they can recover after a tough workout. I feel exactly the same after a heavy meal."

"I bet Seal is terrified of shark week."

"I have a UPS joke Sorry it was delivered it to your landlord's off property leasing office ten miles down the road."