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Joke of the Day

"Murderer: IM GOING TO STRANGLE YOU Me: wow your hands are so soft Murderer: omg really Me: [caresses his hands] what moisturizer do you use"

"What do you call an imp that is rushes to the hospital? Impatient OC from r/dadjokes"

"Sleeping in tomorrow so I have to put my phone on Lebron Mode... No ring"

"Frodo Baggins doesn't get Back Court Violations in basketball. He gets a There and Back Again"

"What has 7 arms and sucks? Def leppard"

"--Whenever I am down in the dumps, I buy a new hat. --So that's where you get them."

"INTERESTING FACT: The song ""Hurt So Good"" was written after John Mellencamp ate too much delicious Mexican food."

"Did I miss something? Kermit has a new gf and Miss Piggy is seeing David Cameron?"

"Wife said she wasn't going to breadtfeed until after dar.. Sorry baby, today is the start of Mamadan. Edit: a letter"

"Cigarettes are just like hamsters. They're perfectly harmless until you stick one in your mouth and light it on fire."