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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between San Francisco and Larkspur? Larkspur has a ferry terminal, San Francisco has terminal fairies."

"I hate when girls have ""taken"" in their bio like that movie wasn't even that good"

"Hi, what's your name? My name is Yura Phag"

"My wife finally conceded in an ongoing argument we were having about clocks It was about time."

"Fast and the Furious just announced a new movie called Faster And Furiouser 3.1: You Get the Drift"

"There's a good chance Dr. Phil has jerked off to the Domino's Pizza Tracker."

"What do you do with an epileptic lettuce? Make a seizure salad"

"Two guys are walking down the road and they see a dog licking himself. First guy says, ""Boy I sure wish I could do that."" Second guy says, ""I think you should try to pet him first."""

"[taking baby's shoes off] Oh what a surprise. Clean soles. It's almost as if you were carried everywhere."

"Do pigs like Backgammon? No they prefer their backs scratched."