62265

Joke of the Day

"""Dad. Dad. DAD! Please just come home. You promised us you'd stop after Volume 46."" - Creator of NOW! That's What I Call Music's children"

"What do you call a zoo that only has one dog? A shit-zoo."

"When it comes to politics I'm an agnostic. I don't believe there's an honest politician nor can I prove that one does not exist."

"The worst walk of shame is the one back onto the crowded elevator after getting out on the wrong floor."

"Why did the kids get in trouble for eating the sausages? They were brats"

"What's China's national colour? Censo-red."

"Just been to the gym and there's a new machine there. I only used it for about an hour, as I started to feel sick, but it's great: it's got KitKats, Mars bars, crisps and everything in it"

"If life gives you lemons... Make lemonade. If life gives you melons... You might be dyslexic"

"Met a transexual lesbian at the bar He was a pretty normal guy."

"I'm not racist but.. I saw a black guy running down the street with a TV and I thought ""that's mine"" Then I realized mine is at home, polishing my shoes"