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Joke of the Day

"I'm not racist but.. I saw a black guy running down the street with a TV and I thought ""that's mine"" Then I realized mine is at home, polishing my shoes"

"When it comes to returning emails, I only have two speeds: within 3 seconds or within 3 months."

"I don't need a flashlight to find my way around in the dark. I have shins for that."

"The American people should elect Gabe Newell president in 2020. That way we can be 100% certain the President of the United States will not start World War III."

"Prince: Rapunzel, let down your hair. Rapunzel: Hair, you'll never be beautiful, you'll always have split ends. *hair is super let down*"

"What's the difference between toilet paper and a hand towel? So you're the one!"

"TIL That I'm NEVER getting prostate cancer"

"Childhood obesity is on the rise and so is underage sex.. What I want to know is who's fucking all these fat kids."

"Apparently 1 in 5 of us live next to a paedophile.. Not me though, I live next to a gorgeous 8 year old."

"DAD JOKE: Do you know where you get water from? Well..."