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Joke of the Day

"The Galactic Empire, after the destruction of the Death Star, has taken to bowling during the interim. The Empire Strikes Back, they call it."

"I told my girlfriend that she drew her eyebrows too high She looked surprised."

"Worst Geometry Joke I Know When does a Pentagon have only 4 sides? When it is intercepted by a plane."

"Those boots are made for walking? Wow, so are most boots. Give me a call when they're made for castrating antelope or something."

"I'm not a racist! Racism is a crime. *...and...* Only Black people commit crimes."

"Why People Get Married"

"If you never say ""FUCK IT"" before posting a tweet then you definitely couldn't have tweeted this..."

"What would you get if you crossed a chicken with a dog? A hen that lays pooched eggs."

"[first date] *Ok don't let her know you're a vampire* ""Would you like a mint?"" *reaches in pocket, pulls out SPF 5,000,000,000* ""Dammit"""

"""dad, what does extravagant mean?"" idk son. why don't you ... [i turn to my wife using $100 bills to light the fireplace] ask your mother"