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Joke of the Day

"If you never say ""FUCK IT"" before posting a tweet then you definitely couldn't have tweeted this..."

"*shows up at your work* ""Hi, it's me. From the internet."""

"[Offensive] I like my wine the way I like my Women... Nine years old and in the cellar."

"why do women not need to wear watches? there's a clock on the stove"

"Why was the ghost late to the halloween party? He had to take a sheet."

"Saw the trailer for Life Of Pi. Why are they making a Calvin & Hobbes movie in 2013?"

"Noses and Boyfriends Boyfriends are like noses... People get disgusted when you blow them in public. Especially if you're caught without a tissue"

"What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, what happens in Japan stays in Japan Until she turns 18, that is."

"Whenever me and the wife watch a film, I can always tell if it's going to be shit. She's picked it."

"How do you kill a Mormon? Bore them to death."