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Joke of the Day
"How do you make a baby drink? You stick it in a blender."
Next Joke
"Because he always knew what the punchline would be. Why didn't the psychic laugh at any jokes?"
"I just sprayed a mosquito... with mosquito repellent. Now he'll never have any friends."
"So a vegan crossfitter and a homophobic priest simultaneously walk in to a bar.. Then they both went to the hospital for head wounds."
"How to sound Australian. Say ""good eye might"" aloud."
"How are kids like piano keys? All the black ones are accidentals."
"Me: One large buttery popcorn please! Him: Ma'am you have to buy a ticket to get into the movies... Me: One large buttery popcorn TO GO SIR"
"When I die I hope someone puts ""In Memory Of Jenny Johnson"" in old English lettering across the back windshield of their Buick Riviera."
"My wife said she was hungry and told me to order food... So I got us a hooker cuz I heard great things about their seafood buffet."
"If the guy behind me stands any closer I'm going to go in for a hug."