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Joke of the Day

"A girl grabbed my cock and said, ""Wow! Your dick wouldn't make a very good clock."" ""Why?"" I asked, intrigued. ""Because I'd struggle to get a second hand on it,"" she replied."

"Daddy, did you ever eat cat food when you were little? ""Yeah, but it didn't taste very good."" She smiled and nodded, ""I know, it taste like dog food."" *A recent conversation I had with my daughter*"

"Why don't cannibals eat pantomimes? Because a mime is a terrible thing to baste."

"How can transportation be improved in Harlem?? By moving the trees closer together."

"British police don't carry guns. So what exactly do they do then? Yell ""STOP... OR I'LL SAY STOP AGAIN!"""

"Whats the difference between a truckload of bowling balls and a truckload of dead babies? You cant unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork!"

"Did you hear about the man who fell into the upholstery machine? He's all right, now. In fact, he's fully recovered."

"Did you hear about all the bears that got laid off from Chanel 6? (xpost /r/BearJokes) Turns out they were bad news bears."

"The Cheesiest Joke I Know What did the cracker say to the slice of cheddar? ""Say, you're looking mighty sharp today!"" To which the cheddar replied, ""Fuck you, white boy."""

"I'm getting concerned that Beyonce never told those single ladies to put their hands down and now there's a bunch of unfed cats out there."