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Joke of the Day

"How can transportation be improved in Harlem?? By moving the trees closer together."

"A guy said he fantasizes about me in a bathtub filled with Big Mac sauce and I said YOU'RE DISGUSTING AND DISTURBED and see you at 8, Brian."

"Ways Ryan Gosling and I are similar: 1. Up to date on our vaccinations 2. I dunno, that's probably it and I'm not sure about that first one."

"""What are you doing tonight?"" Gonna smoke some Herb. ""Nice."" -guys who work in a crematorium"

"How does Harry Houdini tell people to steal stuff? Straight jack it."

"""Eat your dinner so that lamb didn't die for nothing"" - will ensure you get your daughter's helping, too."

"That Schrodinger guy used to throw some great parties... ... about half the time."

"The Dumb Blonde Quiz"

"I saw a sign the other day the made me fucking piss my pants... ...it said ""Bathroom Closed"""

"I told you to act natural while I paint. Why are you guys all sitting on the same side of the table? - DaVinci"