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Joke of the Day

"My interior decorator quit on her first day on the job. I told her to paint all the walls in my house to be green screens."

"WRITING TIP: Every movie should start with a close-up of an alarm clock going off and a hand clumsily trying to silence it."

"I used to perform circumcisions for a living. I got tons of tips."

"People who don't smoke pot suck. They should all be stoned."

"Why should you never tell jokes about Hitler? Because your friends might Nazi (not see) the humor."

"Why can't the bicycle stand on its own ? Because its two tyred"

"Women never find it devilishly charming when I follow them into the lady's room. Thanks a lot, ""Top Gun""."

"You can catch a lot of flies with honey, but you can catch more honeys by being fly."

"Brad Pitt and I had a handsome contest and the loser had to adopt a bunch of kids."

"Whats your name? Whats the color of the sky?... Me: whats your name? You:(insert name) Me:whats the color of the sky? You:blue Me:whats my name? Now put it all together."