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Joke of the Day

"When they shoot scenes w stagecoaches in Westerns, I bet the horses think ""Hey wtf? We're not supposed to have to do this shit anymore"""

"A nutritionist wants us to examine a sandwich. So lettuce..."

"My New Year's resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall. And I plan on sticking to it."

"Failure is not falling down, it is not getting up again."

"I just don't know where I stand on masturabation... I mean, on one hand it feels good, but on the other hand it feels bad."

"I'll act my age when I'm 69 lol"

"Parenting Tip: Wear clothing with pockets so you can flip off your children inconspicuously."

"Why does Santa have such a big sack? He only ""comes"" once a year"

"Why does Helen Keller masturbate with only 1 hand? because she is moaning with the other."

"Why did vegan cross the road? Because chicken came to his side."