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Joke of the Day
"My cat is stuck in a Cheeto bag and I'm really pissed that I didn't think of that first."
Next Joke
"""Look man, I swear to you, as god as my witness..."" [God appears from behind dumpster] ""I ain't coverin for u anymore Larry, you owe me $30"""
"My nephew: ""Sometimes it gets puffy and I can't pee"" Me: ""Yeah, unfortunately when you get older it gets puffy and you can't think"""
"I'm not saying it's a bad idea to bring an Ebola patient to Atlanta, I'm saying everyone should leave Atlanta because I've seen this movie...."
"My girlfriend asked me how I viewed lesbian relationships... Apparently ""in HD"" wasn't the right answer."
"Silly Americans. The national pastime of Tahiti is making love, but we, silly fools, picked baseball."
"What happens when you go to the bathroom scared? A spooky dookie."
"Me: Every beautiful girl has an ugly friend Girl: That's why my friend is ugly Me: I see. You are just a pair of ugly girls"
"My favorite one liner ever!!! Last night I walked into a bar it hurt"
"99% of women say they don't like men who wear leather pants. Which works out perfectly, since 100% of men who wear leather pants don't like women."