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Joke of the Day

"How do you seduce a fat woman? PIece of cake."

"What's the difference between a DVD player and a cow's anus? If you answered 'I don't know,' I'm certainly not letting you borrow any of **my** DVDs in the future!"

"I'm having second thoughts about booking time to visit an Indian community. I guess I'm having reservation reservation reservations."

"I can't believe carotene is STILL in its beta phase."

"Ate shrooms & I feel nothing. Just an awful taste in my mouth. Also the dealer overcharged me. Also he's a centaur with spiders for lips"

"*discovering flying dinosaur* PALEONTOLOGIST: We'll call it pterodactyl, for ""wing fingers"" ME: *crumples up note that says skynosaur*"

"I think Bernie would win for sure if he had served in the military and reached the rank of Colonel And he would be sure to get the black vote."

"I always carry a jar gripper with me in case I'm ever stranded on a deserted island with a jar of salsa. I also always carry a jar of salsa."

"Cheating on a good woman is like eating out of the trash instead going out for steak."

"I think the Tuskegee Airmen were incredibly brave... ...not only were they fighter pilots, they all had syphilis!"